Sunday, June 8, 2014

The Full English

Many say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I say that meals are the most important part of life. So due to basic theories of mathematics, meals are the most important part of life! Thanks, math (this is my college education in action). But one particular meal rings true here in England.
The Full English

FATTY FATTY NO FRIENDS. Check it. We've got two eggs, sunny side up. We then turn to cooked tomatoes. Keep journeying on and we find MEAT. One form of pig isn't nearly enough, so we've got sausage AND bacon. Both are very different than what I'm used to. The sausage is always soft and a bit mushy inside, no matter how it's cooked or the crispiness on the outside. Bacon is closer to what we'd call Taylor Ham (New Jersey, I don't want to hear it). Emma burned it (I mean.... um... cooked it well-done). We round out the veggie portion of our meal with some sautéed mushrooms, and round it all out with a few legumes. Oh. And toast. ALL the toast. GIVE ME CARBS. As Ash says, "Bread is carbs. Carbs is energy. Energy is dance."

The whole spread. Of course, we've got English breakfast tea!

This toast thing made me laugh so I took a photo of it. Had no idea "toast holders" existed

And some mimosas cuz the American wants booze. Cheers to Matthew from across the pond!


Monday, June 2, 2014

Meet the cast Mondays-- MASHA

Growing up, one of my favorite breakfasts was Belgian waffles.
Here in England, one of my favorite things in Belgian people.
Well, one Belgian in particular, and just in time for MEET THE CAST MONDAYS!

MASHA VERDEGEM

If you haven't guessed, Masha is BELGIAN! In honor of Mash's existence, one of the cast's favorite games is to replace or add any word in any sentence/ phrase/ film title with "Belgian" or some derivative of the word. Some examples:
"That's So Belgian" (TV Show)
"Hey, can you please pass me the Belgium?" (question)
"Finding Belgium" (Film)
"Charlie and the Belgian Chocolate Factory" (book)

I think you get the idea.

Masha has an admirable honesty about her. She is what I would call a "loud thinker"; her feelings are pretty easy to read. When you've made her laugh, it's brilliant because her laugh is contagious and her smile is beautiful. But if you're on her nerves or bother her... you'll know. You may want to hide in an alley or just stab yourself (but don't worry, these occasions are few and far between--she is a truly lovely Belgian). For bonus cool points, Masha has an infinity tattoo on the back of her neck. She's also unbelievably talented. She went to one of the best schools for dance in London (Laine Theatre Arts) and is also multi-lingual. Not impressed yet? Then check her out on Belgium's So You Think You Can Dance.

THE QUESTIONS
What is your favorite word?
Oh my god it can be such a thing to think about... My favorite word..... Probably fuck.

What is your least favorite word?
Cunt.

What turns you on?
Uh, Dan (her boyfriend).

What turns you off?
People farting. Is that really stupid?

What sound or noise do you love?
I love the sound of the sea.

What sound or noise do you hate?
BEEPING NOISE!!!! You know, like in the studio, or the fridge? Some beeping shit!!!!

What is your favorite curse word?
Oh no I already said that... shit? No, it's definitely fuck. Fucking, fuck, fuck's sake....

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? 
I would like to be a personal shopper.

What profession would you not like to do?
Eh... Probably sit in an office and do loads of paperwork cuz I hate it.

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say at the pearly gates?
(Under breath) What the fuck is this shit...... 
"Thank you for living your life... fully?" Does that make sense? To the full? Are you actually typing exactly what I'm saying right now? Cuz that's not allowed, Joe. You're only allowed to type my answers.


Masha is the beautiful lady farthest to the right, holding a beer. Cheers, Belgian!


A Day at the Beach... With Donkeys

England... You've gone too far.

Driving on the left side of the road? Sure.
Referring to French fries as "chips" and chips as "crisps"? Fine, do you.
The fact that you actually pronounce it "tomAHto"? I won't bat an eye. 

But this weekend, I have discovered something for which you will never be forgiven. 


BEACH DONKEYS
"But Joseph!" you cry with horror, "What in God's name is a beach donkey?!"

Well faithful reader (mom-- who are we kidding?), apparently everyone in England thinks this is a completely normal thing that just happens when you go to the beach. There are people literally just standing with donkeys for children to take rides on. On the beach. I'd really love to sit at the meeting of the fine person who created this tradition. 

"Hello Rupert. what can we do to make people's beach experience more pleasant?"
"Well Nigel, people love riding waves at the beach. So you know what else they'd probably love to ride? DONKEYS."

Apparently beach donkey rides (just read that a few times and try to make it sound acceptable in your head) are meant for young children, typically under 10. So naturally I went up to the women and their donkeys and asked if I was allowed to take a ride. I was too big, but they were kind enough to let me take quite a few photos with them! 



They call me "The Donkey Whisperer"

"Don't eat my ice cream, ass!"

In NORMAL beach fashion, I had a nice ice cream cone with my friends while we walked along the beach (on our FEET, not on our DONKEYS). I also sang them The Flavors Song, and it made me miss my Showplace family.

So here are some fun photos from my beach day. And when you're at your Atlantic/ Pacific Ocean beaches this summer, just think--how would a donkey enhance my beach-going experience? If you think of an answer, please let me know.

Emma, Ash, and I with ice cream!

These are my model friends.

They're also dancers.

And they would like to prove it to you. 

Hinge. 

LOOK AT THAT AIR!!!


Fish


Special fish

Friends at the beach :)

 Scarbs


 
A boy and his ocean


A game of cricket on the beach!

Great people right here